Joe Ehrmann on Manhood and the Transformative Power of Sports

Joe Ehrmann was a BALTIMORE Colt -- Emphasis on the Baltimore. He was known as a wild man on the football field and off of it when I was growing up. I left Baltimore in the mid-1980's and at some point, Joe changed. He became a minister in the Baltimore inner city. He began coaching at Gilman School in Baltimore. He found a personal mission to help boys become men.

I have been especially moved by his writing on the difference between transactional coaching and transformational coaching. Transactional coaches develop relationships with their athletes that are based on a transaction. Athletes perform and based on the quality of the performance coaches reward them.

Transformational coaches are different in that their relationship with their athletes is in some way based not on performance but in helping an athlete grow, change, and mature in a positive way.

Ever since reading his book, InsideOut Coaching, I have thought about how the athletes I coach perceive me. I have always felt I am a transformational coach, but it really doesn't matter if I feel I am. It is a lot more important that they feel transformed.

Joe has also spoken about "manhood" and the destructive messages our culture teaches young men about what it means to be a man. These cultural messages teach that your manhood is determined by your athletic ability, size and strength, your sexual conquests, and your economic success. Joe believes that much of our societal problems would be improved if we as a culture reframed this message. The roots of societal problems like hazing and bullying which later progress to violence, broken relationships, and substance abuse issues, he feels begin with the messages of manhood that are first taught on the playground but later on the sports field.

I sometimes have mixed feelings on Joe Ehrmann's message. Maybe it's because I have had such great male role models in my life in my own father, my grandfather, my college coach and a number of other male teachers and friends none of whom define or defined their lives in the way our culture encourages men to define theres. But at the same time events like those recently in Steubenville, Ohio, where an incapacitated adolescent girl was raped by high school male athletes makes me listen to Ehrmann's message again and take note. Clearly, sports at times has been guilty of teaching lessons that have hurt both girls and boys.

Below is a video of Ehrmann presenting at a TEDx in Baltimore this January. He encourages us to reject popular definitions of manhood and instead embrace a definition that focuses on the quality of our relationships and our commitment to a cause in our lives. This definition of life allows both men and women to share their common humanity and it fulfills our need to leave a positive legacy. What kind of friend, son/ daughter, father/ mother, husband/ wife were we (who did I love and who did I allow to love me) and do we feel our life made a difference will determine our success and happiness.

Further, sports is in a unique position to teach this lesson and reframe our cultural roles as a team is a set of relationships committed to a cause. Instead of focusing on winning, coaches goals should be to nurture the hearts of their athletes and help each discover their cause in life -- a powerful message.