Changing People's Minds About Themselves

"We are all athletes; the difference is some of us are in training and some of us are not." Peter Coe

John McHugh and me. Happy Birthday!

As a freshman in college, I took an Intro to Psychology class in which we read a book entitled Rival Hypotheses. The book was about the hypotheses scientists created from experiments they ran. But the authors asked readers to look at the evidence the scientists used and from that same evidence create a rival or alternative hypotheses. In schools teachers talk a lot about teaching students how to think critically. That book taught me critical thinking. It was amazing how in our class we could take the same evidence that scientists used to form their hypotheses and create and defend completely different conclusions. 

I have often thought I am in the rival hypotheses business. I am in the business of getting people to change their minds about themselves. In athletics that is all about getting people to see themselves differently as physical beings. And my favorite group to change is the people who do not see themselves as athletes at all. To me I almost take an evangelical approach to this group as if I can get a person to see themselves as athletic when they previously did not, that converts their whole sense of self. This challenge goes far beyond students but into my whole family. 

I was different in my family. I come from a family of academics and teachers where reading, writing, accumulating knowledge and debating ideas (some might say arguing) are the preferred daily activities to training. When I started dating my wife Kathy, I found someone who could more than keep up with the rest of my family in these activities. But I also thought I could convert her to see my point of view on the importance of the physical side of life. 

But she had an hypothisis about herself. One she felt based on years of evidence in humiliating experiences in Junior High and High School PE classes. That she was not an athlete. 

As an aside. Girls educated today should realize how lucky they are. Plenty of women who grew up when Kathy did and before believed this about themselves -- that they were not athletic. For most girls in our country previous to the passage of Title IX, there were very few athletic options in schools. And although Title IX was passed in the early 1970's, the athletic situation for girls in most high schools in America did not change significantly until the 1980's. Kathy graduated from high school in 1979. 

When Kathy and I started dating in 1988, I thought I could get her to be a successful runner. I was inspired by the life of Priscilla Welch who was from Great Britain and due to her boy friend (who later became her husband) began running in her mid-30's, made the British Olympic team as a marathon runner and broke 2:30 for the marathon at age 40 in 1984. Why couldn't that be us, I thought!

Kathy began running some time before we got married in 1993, but it was not until we came to North Shore in 1994 that she really started training. She started training because a group of women would meet after school and run through the neighborhoods. That group included Leonie O'Donohoe who works in the Middle School to this day as well as a PE teacher Edee Madsen and Mary Reyner the Director of Development. 

One day Kathy told me that the group had entered the Lake Country Marathon Team Relay. The Lake Country Marathon started in Zion and headed south through the communities in Lake County to Ravinia. A Marathon Team Relay meant that a team of five would each run 5 mile legs -- splitting the race up -- but the last leg would run 6.2 miles. 

Kathy agreed to run the first leg which I was happy about because that would give me an honest split for five miles. To my trained eye, I thought she was looking really good. I had given her almost no training advice. So this race would be an evaluation of true athletic talent -- a starting point for my future plans of first local, than national and finally international domination. 

The date of the race was the last Sunday in April in 1995. It was a typical spring day in Chicago, cold and wet and Kathy woke up and told me "I don't think I am going to run. I am not feeling well." Seeing this as just nerves, I reverted to coach mode. I said these are just your nerves. You will get over them as we drive up there. Your team is depending on you. The first leg of every relay is the most important. The weather will get better. 

I was driving up to Zion anyway because I was running a Half Marathon associated with the day. So I finally convinced her to drive up with me and see how she feels when she got there. 

That was a long drive. But when we got there Kathy felt better. She agreed to give the race a try but she would start at the back of the pack. I was starting at the front and we agreed to meet up in Lake Bluff where the half marathon ended. 

When I saw her again in Lake Bluff, she had a big smile on her face and I asked what was your time for your five mile leg. She said 40 minutes. Wow, I thought. No coaching and she just ran a 40 minute 5 mile race starting at the back of the pack. I was right. She is an athlete. Now with some coaching I bet I can get her close to 30 minutes in a couple of months. 

As we drove home, I started dropping some thoughts of other races and she seemed actually pretty open to the idea. But that is only the beginning of this story. 

A week later, Kathy had gone to Cleveland to visit her sister and she called me from her sisters house and said, "do you know why I was feeling so bad on the morning of the race?" I said of course. It was just nerves. To which she said. "No it wasn't nerves. I am pregnant!"

That race was, to my knowledge, Kathy's last run. My hypothisis about her being an athlete was confirmed. But my plans for coaching my wife to international fame came to an end. 

Today, our family celebrates the birthday of the person who we first heard from on the day his mother ran her first and only race. John is 17. I may not have been successful in world running domination, but I think the end result was a lot better. Happy Birthday John!